When one presses pause for a bit and takes a break from professional productivity, it can be hard to remember the reasons behind such a choice. Already, after less than a week of it, I sense myself resisting inactivity and being frustrated with not doing. Much as I espouse embracing what is around me and being present to it, I get agitated. Chalk it up to an immigrant work ethic (me?), my Scottish-English Canadianness, or that Type B+ personality (I never tested as an A, interestingly). Whatever the case, I am having a tough time being easy in sabbaticaland.
In a morning effort to receive what is present, therefore, I’m gonna note a few of the close and quiet details I am sensing around me. They follow.
(Yes, I know: writing a blog post about such things is more doing than being, but fuck it. I need to start practicing this behaviour somewhere, and the WordPress training wheels help.)
my toes are dry and warm; dryish
a moth is walking along the window
the fireplace goes ting ting
a jet seems to be passing overhead
my tongue is feeling metallic after peanut butter and miso on Ryvita
my fingertips and occipital area feel tingly, caffeinated
carbon dioxide is slowly zzzing out of the fermenting carrot stick jars
two chair pillows compress my kidneys and lumbar area
the refrigerator compressor is relaxing and ticking after running for a while
I have a little headache
heat from the woodstove makes my view of the trees wavy
my right calf, against the vinyl ottoman, feels cool
my left shin, not touching a surface, feels cool
the top of my head itches
there is only one small flame on the top of the log in the woodstove
now there is another small flame, darker orange, underneath
sometimes the top flame goes away
another airplane sound
something thudded outside
the fridge breathes
another thud
the fridge breathes
another thud
now there is another small flame, darker orange, underneath
sometimes the top flame goes away
another airplane sound
something thudded outside
the fridge breathes
another thud
the fridge breathes
another thud
carbon dioxide is slowly zzzing out of the fermenting carrot stick jars
two chair pillows compress my kidneys and lumbar area
the refrigerator compressor is relaxing and ticking after running for a while
I have a little headache
heat from the woodstove makes my view of the trees wavy
my right calf, against the vinyl ottoman, feels cool
my left shin, not touching a surface, feels cool
the top of my head itches
there is only one small flame on the top of the log in the woodstove
now there is another small flame, darker orange, underneath
sometimes the top flame goes away
another airplane sound
something thudded outside
the fridge breathes
another thud
the fridge breathes
another thud
now there is another small flame, darker orange, underneath
sometimes the top flame goes away
another airplane sound
something thudded outside
the fridge breathes
another thud
the fridge breathes
another thud
Okay, now I’m going to practice for a bit without typing.